When Comedy Mirrors Reality

The titles of The Onion’s most popular articles are incredibly apt:

1. Denny’s Introduces ‘Just A Humongous Bucket Of Eggs And Meat’
2. I’m Not One Of Those ‘Love Thy Neighbor Christians’
3. New Video Game Designed To Have No Influence On Kids’ Behavior
4. Video-Game Character Always Wondering Why Heartless God Always Chooses ‘Continue’
5. Woman Profoundly Moved By Lyrics Artist Put Zero Time Or Effort Into

This Isn’t Clever

Chuck Norris Can Cure Cancer but is Baffled by the Principles of Logic

Chuck Norris put forth the following argument in an editorial piece he wrote for Townhall.com:

1. Because Obama was elected by the popular vote, I accept his presidency
2. Proposition 8 was passed by popular vote
3. Therefore everyone should accept Proposition 8

I know what you’re thinking – this argument isn’t even valid, let alone sound! What kind of moronic imbicile penned this drivel? Unfortunately it was authored by the prophet himself, Mr. Walker Texas Ranger.

To review, here’s a valid argument:

• If A then B – If I eat then I’m happy
• A – I eat
• Therefore B – I’m happy

The conclusion (I’m happy) will always be true if the premises are true (If I eat then I’m happy; I eat)

A sound argument is just a valid argument with all true premises; so the argument above is both sound and valid. However, if it wasn’t true that “If I eat then I’m happy” or “I eat” then the argument would be valid but not sound.

Make sense?

Here’s Mr. Norris’s argument in symbolic terms:

B= Barack Obama

e= was elected/passed by a popular vote

a= should be accepted by the general public

P= Proposition 8

1. Be -> Ba
2. Be (implied premise)
3. Pe
4. Pa – conclusion

This argument isn’t valid becuase even if premises #1,2, and 3 are true, the conclusion (Pa) could be true or false.

Thus, little Chucky’s “serious” political diatribe is actually quite funny becuase even if the premises he puts forth were true (e.g. points 1&2) there’s still absolutely no reason for concluding “people should accept Prop 8.” It’s cute really. Kind of like the boy in Kindergarten who draws a purple dog… not exactly right but at least he’s trying.

What’s missing, and the most difficult part of the argument (no surprise Norris left it out) is this:

B=P

Meaning there are enough similarities between B and P that for the purposes of the argument everything that applies to B also applies to P.

Barack Obama and Proposition 8… why, they’re virtually twins!

Quote of the Day

I don’t want to speak too disparagingly of my generation (actually I do, we had a chance to change the world and opted for the Home Shopping Network instead)

- author Stephen King, 61 yrs old

This Makes Me Happy Part XI

In a word, awesome

(The song is Brim Full of Asher by Cornershop, remixed by Fatboy Slim)

The Answer to Your Most Burning Question

Click here

In related news… check out ThingsIDidLastNight.com

Finally, if you’re one of the three people in the world who haven’t seen the spider email thread, read it here. Now. While you’re at it, check out the rest of the site too, it’s hilarious. An internet prankster at his finest.

Here’s to the web

Dear Government, Please Don’t “Save” Our Industries

The current recession combined with bad business decisions have put US automakers on the verge of bankruptcy. Now there are talks of instituting government subsidies to save an industry that is “vital” to American prosperity.

Let me tell you a little story about another industry that used to be “vital” to America.

In 1930 25% of Americans were farmers. The Great Depression hurt farmers (like everyone else) but because farming was such an “important” industry, the American government provided subsidies and other programs like the Agricultural Adjustment Act to help struggling farmers stay afloat.

The Great Depression was not the reason small farmers were losing money. Private farmers were struggling because maintaining a small farm was no longer a viable business model in any market. The government should have gotten out of the way of capitalism and let the market dictate where workers went and what prices were set.

Fast forward to today – 2% of the population lives on farms and 150,000 large farms make up 72% of all US farm sales. Farming is hardly the lifeline of blue-collar America. However, many of the subsidies created during the depression still exist today. From 1996-2002 American taxpayers paid $16 billion per year in subsidies to farmers. In 2004 it was lower – only $8 billion – but still a ridiculous figure that is even more absurd when you learn where this money is actually going.

1930′s farming = 2008 automobile production

Google is Racist

(not really but this is a real screenshot)

Update: here’s more (the best ones are towards the bottom and highlighted in blue)

Photo credit here

November 6 No on Prop 8 March

This is what a cultural revolution looks like

Height of Stupidity: Supporting a Political Party Like a Sports Team

True sports fans are among the most passionate supporters in the world. They stick with their team through the good and the bad, triumph and defeat. To switch team affiliation is to renounce the very essence of one’s being.

Political parties are not sports teams. They are groups of people that represent different ideologies. Names change and ideologies change.

Twenty years ago the Republican Party stood for small government, low taxes and fiscal responsibility. It was officially pro-life but social issues with religious implications were largely left alone, or at the very least, for states to decide.

The Republican Party of the last five years bears very little resemblance to the party it was in the 80′s. For better or worse national security and instituting Christian principles have both taken precedence over economic and domestic policies. As a result, the national deficit has ballooned and domestic services like education, healthcare and social security have suffered; but we have increased our presence overseas and nouveaux Republicans would argue we are safer today as a result.

If you value instituting Christian principles and an interventionist foreign policy (and paying for it with tax dollars and the lives of our young people) you should be a Republican because the Republican Party represents these ideals.

However, if you were a Republican twenty years ago and are a Republican today because of that (or worse, because your parents are Republican) you are a complete moron. Today the Democratic Party is more closely aligned with traditional Republican values than the Republican party itself – don’t buy something you can’t pay for (i.e. a war), take care of home first (health care, education, etc.), and SMALL government (not expanding executive power to the greatest extent in our country’s history).

Reagan would have voted for Obama. His son and chief of staff both did. Again, if you’re a social conservative and don’t care as much about the economy or personal freedoms you should be and vote Republican. However, if you’re an old school conservative and like how the country operated under the Reagan administration (underhanded politics aside) you have a new party and a new leader.

Otherwise you’re a hypocrite – and worse – too dumb to realize it.